Talyesin's Tales

Slings & Arrows is a brilliant piece of Canadian television with fine performances from a stellar cast, notably Paul Gross as a decidedly un-Constable Frasier-like actor-turned-director. It chronicles the attempts of the New Burbage Festival to put on Shakespeare's works (in season one, it's Hamlet).

And it's reminded me why I loved theatre. Dammit.

It's also reminded me why theatre very nearly gave me a nervous breakdown of my own, but primarily it's reminded me of the passion and the drama and the tradition and the excitement and the nerves and the applause.

Dammit, dammit, dammit.

Right now it's -25 degrees outside. That's MINUS TWENTY FIVE AMERICAN DEGREES. I found a site that did the math, converting to American degrees from the system the rest of the entire world uses.

So when you call it cold because you need a sweater AND a jacket? I laugh, and laugh, and laugh.

You Know You're From Canada When...

You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk." You understand the phrase, "Could you pass me a serviette, I just dropped my poutine, on the chesterfield." You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars. You drink pop, not soda. You know what a Mickey and 2-4 mean. You don't care about the fuss with Cuba. It's a cheap place to go for your holidays, with good cigars. You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway. You drive on a highway, not a freeway. You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers. You know that Casey and Finnegan were not part of a Celtic musical group. You get excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada. You brag to Americans that: Shania Twain, Jim Carrey, Celine Dion and many more are Canadians. You know that the C.E.O. of American Airlines is a Canadian! You know what a touque is. You know that the last letter of the English alphabet is always pronounced "Zed" not "Zee". You understand the Labatt Blue commercials. You know how to pronounce and spell "Saskatchewan." You perk up when you hear the theme song from "Hockey Night in Canada." You were in grade 12, not the 12th grade. "Eh?" is a very important part of your vocabulary and more polite than, "Huh?" Winter. Whenever you want it. And then some. There's German food, Italian food, Chinese food, Armenian food, American food, but NO Canadian food. You call a "mouse" a "moose". You like the Americans a little because they don't want Quebec either. Contests run by anyone other than the government have "skill-testing questions" that winners must answer correctly before they can claim a prize. Everything is labelled in English and French. Milk comes in plastic bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs. Mountain Dew has no caffeine. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Canada.

( How's this for Canadiana? )

t! : Invisible TOTALLY has to cover this.

We make up our own words, you hosers!

http://www.canada.com/national/nationalpost/news/story.html?id=7320679e-9d3c-4a59-8810-fbfd16aa6c14

Okay, so I'm buying Molson Canadian, right? Because it's, y'know, Canada Day and all, and it hits me... Molson should totally do this as their next ad campaign:

SCENE: A Backyard Barbeque. Happy folks enjoying the summer. Three GUYS don't seem so happy though.

GUY 1: Man, I can't wait for hockey season to start again.

GUY 2: No kidding, eh?

GUY 3: Oh well... (hands them their MOLSON CANADIANs)

GUY 1: (sips) (gets an IDEA) (singing to the tune of Hockey Night in Canada) Bah ba-dah ba-dah!

GUY 2: (sips) (singing) Bah ba-dah ba-dah!

GUY 3: (sips) Bah BA-DAH BA-DAH-

ALL THREE: BAHMP!!

The WHOLE PARTY notices and joins in:

Bah dah Ba-DAH dah DAAAAAH!
Bah dah Ba-DAH dah DA-DAAAAH!

Voice over: Molson Canadian - As Canadian as it gets.

HAPPY CANADA DAY, EH!!

The Good:

So I'm at work today and I realize, hey, I'm speaking four languages here! Furious D speaks French and Spanish, Red speaks English, French and Russian, and everyone else speaks English and French. I'm saying things like Como esta? and Spaceba and thinking this is normal. So I'm kinda proud of that. *happy nods* There's something terribly Canadian about being able to say Thank You in multiple languages.

The Bad
So I'm at work today and I get asked for $2 by the Financial Lady. "What for?" I ask, reaching into my pocket. "Monthly coffee contribution," she answers. I stop reaching for the money. I stare at her. "I know," she says, nodding in sympathy.
WE HAVE TO PAY FOR OUR COFFEE.
This place has progressed beyond bad to ridiculous. I Officially Have to Laugh. Ha. Ha.

The Ugly
Correction to the previous post. It wasn't a slug I saw in the toilet bowl. I know what you're thinking, a slug, big deal, a little salt and it's gone. So just know I wouldn't have reacted so badly to a slug.
IT WAS A LEECH. *shudders violently*