Talyesin's Tales

President's Choice Pad Thai: MEH.

I am very disappointed in the President's Choice... er... choices.

If it says "Microwave for 3 minutes" I shouldn't take it out after three minutes to find it's still frozen in the middle. And after an additional two minutes, still cold. And the peas are HARD.

(SELECTIONS! Damn internal thesaurus crashing on me...)

In my ongoing quest to find food that does not earn a Big Fat Meh, President's Choice Paella earns a:

... MEH.

It was food. Barely, in the case of one particular mouthful.

*sigh*

I want cheesies.

I made Shepherd's Pie tonight, or as we Quebecers call it, Pate Chinois...

Four pounds of ground chicken...
Four pounds of potatoes...
Three cans creamed corn...

No, just me, why?

Actually, first, I'd like to say, don't go grocery shopping when you're feeling a cold coming on, because you tend to buy comfort food and forget the stuff you went to get... I now have both pecan tarts AND apple pie and I forgot the coffee filters I went to get, dammit.

And on the subject of cold remedy stuff, I don't want my lemon tea to ZING. If I wanted zingers in my mouth, particularly the lemon kind, I'd BITE into an actual LEMON. There's your ZING.

Anyhow. So here's the thing... I live in a country where it isn't considered unusual AT ALL for people in PARKAS to be walking around INDOORS while their doing their grocery shopping. I mean , most folks had unzipped their parkas a little and had taken off their hats and gloves, but for the most part, everyone had on parkas INDOORS. And this isn't even the COLD part of winter just yet.

As I walked around forgetting to buy coffee filters, I watched this phenomena with an observer's eye rather than as a participant (although, make no mistake, I too had on my parka), and I thought solemnly to myself, this is pretty fucked.

Just got home from Thanksgiving dinner with the rents...

Our bill of fare:

Home made Leek Soup
Grain fed Roast Turkey
Stuffing
Cooked Carrots
Dinner rolls
your choice of white or red wine

...and...

Tal's Mom's World Famous Home made Apple Pie!!!


... so I got the whole pants unbuttoned, concentrate on breathing thing happening now...

....oof... so full...

I have recently discovered that I derive very little enjoyment from food.

Now, this may come as a surprise to those of you familiar with my girth. I know I'm no longer the fat ass I was last year, but I'm still pretty heavy. I'm told I carry it well - that when people look at me, they don't think, Hey, he's fat, but rather, Hey, he's a big guy. Broad shoulders will do that. But despite people's assertions that I'm not that heavy, I'm 20 pounds heavier than I'd like to be and (get this) almost EIGHTY pounds heavier than the magical medical charts that doctors love to quote so much, the charts that were based on the average weight of immigrant farmers in the 1930s. (Now THERE'S a good basis for a study!) The lightest I've ever been as an adult was sixty pounds lighter than now, and friends and family were concerned for my health. Eighty pounds lighter and I'd be this hulking skeletal freak.

Anyhow, this post isn't about my weight. It's about food, and my growing dislike for it. It's becoming something that I fill my stomach with until the next time I have to fill my stomach. And it's EXPENSIVE as all hell. If you want to eat healthy, you need to spend like $200 a month. I don't have that kind of money for food. But it's not the expense, it's the aggravation. EVERY DAMN DAY I have to decide what to have for dinner. What the hell? Didn't I make this decision yesterday? Why do I have to waste time and energy deciding what to prepare, preparing it, then comsuming it?

I used to love cooking. And I still do, so long as it's for someone else. I just dislike cooking for myself. And eating. Why hasn't someone invented the vitamin-pill-appetite-suppressant-taste-bud-stimulant that the Jetsons always had? THIS IS THE TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY!! We still have WEATHER! I want my FLYING CAR!!

I just tired of making this particular decision every day. And I can't make a meal schedule like most people do, because HOW the HELL does someone know on SUNDAY what they'll feel eating like on Thursday?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Albert Einstein had seven outfits, all the same, so he wouldn't have to waste time deciding what to wear every day. I've pretty much got breakfasts and lunches set up the same way, with occasional changes to spice it up a little. But I haven't been able to find the ultimate supper yet. Something nutritious, cheap, and easy to make. Is that too much to ask?